When I say this experience is never what I imagined, I mean it. I recently was told by my mentor that whatever expectations I had need to be dropped and submit to the fact it isn’t going to be easy or pretty. 

Initially, an 11-month mission trip all around the world sounds so glamorous. You see the highlights in pictures and assumptions we’re all Christian so the difficult things will revolve around our surroundings was wrong. 

This experience has been anything but glamorous. When I say that I mean deep in my inner being. Spiritual battles. Lessons on lessons. Expectations from The Lord. Standing firm in who God created me to be. 

Yesterday I read “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants.”- Psalms 116:15 NIV. A little bit of a gut-wrencher but I couldn’t help but to sit there and think, how precious is the sacrifice of dying to flesh (all of who I have become from sin and my own desires) to my Father. This IS His love.

After living independently for the past 7 years, I must say I got good at it. Fast forward to now where living independently isn’t an option. As Christians we are called to be unified but I promise you that word isn’t what you think when it comes to Christian unity. I laughed with a friend on my team about how this is like marriage. You have to call things out. Stand bold in what Holy Spirit highlights isn’t right. Yeah, there’s gonna be tension. Have you ever tried going to sleep with 8 women in the same room after pouring all your insecurities, the things that bother you, and how you cope with each other? It’s difficult!! 

Am I where I’m supposed to be? YES. Is it tough? HELL YES. God has me here for a reason. I am confident in that. Whether it is to learn what true unity is with other Christians or what it feels like to constantly ask "am I doing the right thing" and really LIVE the call of God. I’m here for it

I see Christianity in a new light. It’s not fufu bible verses or covering things up with love. It's bearing the burden of your brothers and sisters. It’s standing out! If you ask me, in today’s world we better start standing out like Jesus because the enemy is bolder than ever. Look around. Where are the Christians who go against the grain like Christ?? Christ was looked at crazy even by the most religious people 

Every day is a new understanding of who Christ is. He was bold. He listened, confided, and leaned on His Father then acted on it. That same spirit is inside me. It actually all makes sense as I write this out. Funny how that works. 

xoxo Bex